I've Come to Realize

(taken on a drive home when I surely was deep in thought)

I’ve come to realize that my job isn’t what I expected to do, but that I like it more than I would have expected.

I’ve come to realize that when I’m driving. . . I can’t be in silence. I need to hear music or podcasts. And I feel like I am wasting my time if I don’t listen to something fulfilling.

I’ve come to realize that I need. . .less internet, more interaction face-to-face.

I’ve come to realize that I have lost. . .my constantly “up” attitude and that it is ok to not always be happy.

I’ve come to realize that I hate it when. . . I lose my keys.

I’ve come to realize that if I’m drunk. . . um, I never really am. And if I am then there is a problem. So if I’m drunk, I have a problem.

I’ve come to realize that money… is just money. Needs to be respected, but can’t be revered.

I’ve come to realize that certain people. . . will be happy no matter what happens and others will be miserable even after they get everything they *think* they want.

I’ve come to realize that I’ll always. . . be a little scatter-brained. And that it is hard for me to concentrate on one thing at a time. Right now I am listening to a podcast while drinking my tea and typing this. Ooops and just checked my email.

I’ve come to realize that my sibling(s). . . (just my brother) knows how to enjoy every day and has some really cool hobbies that he is not afraid to continue with. This includes building with legos, fishing, and outfitting a kayak to be a pseudo-battleship.

I’ve come to realize that my mom... and I are opposites in attitudes, beliefs, and ideas, but always both focus on love.

I’ve come to realize that my cell phone. . . is not expendable.

I’ve come to realize that when I woke up this morning. . . that I didn’t want to wake up. But this is a daily event.

I’ve come to realize that last night before I went to sleep. . . watching Law and Order SVU and House so late may be giving me nightmares.

I’ve come to realize that right now I am thinking. . . of taking a shower and actually getting myself ready for the day.

I’ve come to realize that my dad. . .is a man of faith and an amazing supporter of his family

I’ve come to realize that when I get on Facebook. . . a lot of people don’t like the weather, their husband, or their bff.

I’ve come to realize that today. . . . is a gift and I am just enjoying the day off.

I’ve come to realize that tonight. . . I will be with some incredible ladies.

I’ve come to realize that tomorrow. . . I don’t really have too many things to worry about and that I have to pay the rent.

I’ve come to realize that I really want to . . . find a church this year that I will enjoy attending.

I’ve come to realize that the person mostly likely to re-post this is. . . Paige :)

I’ve come to realize that life. . . is an adventure and I don’t always like it, but I have to get over that.

I’ve come to realize that this weekend. . . will be full of celebrating.

I’ve come to realize that my friends. . . are indispensable and they are so caring and loving and supporting.

I’ve come to realize that this year. . . is just beginning so time to make some things to look forward to.

I’ve come to realize that my husband. . . accepts me for me.

I’ve come to realize that maybe I should. . . go take that shower and get moving.

I’ve come to realize that I love. . . having a clean, neat living space. I know, weird, right?

I’ve come to realize that I don’t understand. . . my mother and she doesn’t get me. But that’s ok :)

I’ve come to realize my past. . . has to be a part of me, but that I need to live without regrets.

I’ve come to realize that parties. . . are fun and enjoyed with good people. But I don’t love planning them. I like going to them.

I’ve come to realize that I’m totally terrified. . . of losing my parents. It will happen and I know it will be very hard for me.

I’ve come to realize that my life. . . is best paired with supporting people.

Simplify: Springing Forward

Continuing with the simplify challenge has been a bit tough for March. I think it is the busy-ness that seems to creep up this month each year. Lots of celebrations, work is intense, cleaning a little deeper, and changing out clothes. I also find that spring fever starts to hit me and I am ready to throw my winter coat away for good. As soon as we had a warm day this year, I stuffed all the coats in space bags and sent them to my mother's attic for safekeeping and now sport my lightweight spring jackets.

And simplifying unfortunately got pushed to the side. In fact, I think I have to admit that March was a tough one to feel simplistic in.

But these were the steps I took to simplify for March:

1. Cleaned out my closet and dressers. This was a huuuuge undertaking, but I got rid of any clothes that didn't fit perfectly or didn't make me feel great while wearing them. I found that by selecting the pieces that were beautiful and comfortable, it is easier to get ready in the morning and I now feel a new sense of confidence.

2. Continued taking Simplify 101's Organization 101 online class. This was a wonderful course that helped me streamline lots of spaces in our apartment. And the philosophy of tackling one organization project each day has stuck.

3. Attended a time management and multiple priorities seminar. Learned some wonderful tips about utilizing the time I have to do the things I enjoy the most or need to complete. And my favorite tip: When you think it, ink it. Which brings me to...

4. I have a to-do list book. For the very first time in my life, I have been listing all the tasks I need to complete for each day of the week and I check them off as I go along. And it has been a success. It helps me keep track of what I actually need to accomplish and I seem to have more time to spend scrapbooking and reading.

Remember to check in with your word, see if you can put it into practice in a new way. And if it doesn't still fit, you can always change it.

Dwell in Beauty

I rarely do sentimental, mushy blog posts. I don't really think I'm worthy of the faith-filled, passion-driven, life-affecting blog posts. There are so many bloggers who do that and they do it better than I ever could. Because they are faith-filled, passion-driven, and life-affecting.

Maybe that's why I avoid composing the deep blog posts. Why I write about the fluffy things in my life - my family, my stuff, scrapbooking. I guess I wonder if I can even be someone who blogs deeply, one who blogs deeply and well. Perhaps I'm afraid of attempting it. Am I one who is moved to speak about life's journey and how sometimes I feel like I am drowning and other times I feel rescued for unknown reasons? I do know I want my posts to me a little more thought-provoking and have wanted that since I first started posting.

Then I started reading some incredibly deep blogs. Blogs where women (just realized, I don't read any male blogs...interesting) bare their actual selves, the good, the bad, the interesting, the incredibly moving. And I have become very drawn to reading very deep blog posts.

That's how I found Sarah Markley and her post on beauty this week is truly touching. And I am taking the challenge. This is the perfect moment for me to make this blog a little deeper. Here is what beauty is for me.

Beauty and I go waaaay back. Back to being a little girl who was just about as girly as you get. Dresses were worn daily with the matching lace ankle socks and patent-leather mary janes. I know I felt like I was a beautiful child. Outer beauty alone defined me. And I know that bubble popped.

And the pretty clothes changed to drabish uniforms. And I conformed. To everyone and everything. Heck-I was a full-blown people pleaser. And I lost the sense of what made me beautiful and why. I was consumed by an overwhelming lack of anything beautiful in me.

Once I went to college I had a tiny ounce of freedom. I tried to make myself beautiful. I needed to have the most fashionable clothes, the hippest bags, the chicest makeup. I wanted desperately to be beautiful.

And now I have to face the reality that all the stuff the world can't make me happy or make me beautiful. I know it's something I should have learned when we all learn that in first grade, but I learned it late. And I'm still learning it. Now I'm embracing it. Beauty can't be bought. It doesn't come in a jar. You can certainly trick people into thinking you are beautiful, but there is so much more inner destruction that happens when you go that route. When I went that route.

I became truly ugly instead.

vain

gossiping

arrogant and haughty

dare I say something that rhymes with witchy

the girl who sees everyone else's splinter, but misses her own plank

high and mighty

lack of stability

faith-less

This is the farthest thing from beauty. The absolute depths of the grotesque.

And so I am now on a path to find the beauty that is already in me.

To seek the goodness.

Trust me, finding the real, true, inner beauty is worth the harrowing journey.

I now find that by embracing my flaws, accepting their existence, and focusing on eradicating the ugly, I can find my beauty.

I am finding my authentic self, the woman who likes bold patterns, heavy-hearted books, and loves supporting friends who share in the good and the bad. The woman who is beautiful. Inside and out. Without needing to try too hard.

I now know that seeking my existing beauty is more amazing than trying to buy it from somewhere else. Finding people who support beauty makes the journey a lot easier, too. And as my inspirational and truly beautiful voice teacher once told me, to be truly happy one must always dwell in beauty.

Now is my time to dwell

and admire

and encourage

and experience

and be beauty every day

Because once I revealed the bad and the very ugly, the beauty finally started to emerge.

The light of goodness is starting to gleam a little brighter.

Week in the Life 2010

Back in 2008 I took photos for one week documenting my life's daily happenings. I really intended to then scrap them, but it never actually happened. The photos can be found here.

This year, Ali Edwards plans to do once again complete her project from April 19-April 25th. Here is Ali's original post as to how you should document this week in your life. She has wonderful tips on how you should really do this and why it doesn't have to be a perfect project, but a process that instead captures what you do everyday. I think that is the core of the project:focusing on the everyday coolness that is the routine of daily life.

These are the things I think helped me complete the documenting part:

1. Keep your camera with you all the time. I tend to do this anyway, but if you aren't in the habit, it is something to get used to a bit.

2. Have a notebook with you and set a page for each day of the week in advance. Either "think it and ink it" by writing down your activities as they happen, or choose to spend some time each evening writing a re-cap. Trust me, when you want to permanently document you will rely on these notes.

3. Take lots of photos. More than you think you will need. For me it turned out that I ended up taking tons at the beginning and fizzled a little at the end. It helped to have more to select from overall.

4. Upload your photos daily to your computer or a website like flickr and name them. This allows you to remember more and match the photos with your notes.

This year I really want to actually make the scrapbook immediately following the photo and documenting process. And this year maybe I will actually share it with all of you :)

Cardmaking...why?

I used to only be a scrapbooker who made scrapbook pages. That was all I did. I never understood the enjoyment of cardmaking at all. Why would I want to make things that I gave away (sounds a little selfish, I know)? Well, then I visited a local scrapbook store and the sweet owner explained it to me. You get to make little treasures to share with others. You buy supplies specifically for cardmaking so you don't feel guilty cutting that piece of 12x12 paper. Or use some of those scraps (which we scrappers keep piles of anyway).

And so, based on the instant gratification of quick creating, I started making some cards. And the first ones were pretty plain and simple, but when people receive handmade anything, it is a cool thing. I love it when someone knits me a scarf or makes me a card. So I guess I think of it as something to brighten a day, a little sprinkle of love into someone's life.

And that is when I realized the benefit of the "handmade from the heart" items. I think it's why I own six Lisa Leonard necklaces and why I love going to small local stores to peek at the owner-designed paper art. Why I love personalized wall art. Why I love my Crochet for a Cure scarves and bag. I love the art that is created for others to enjoy and sprinkled in my life.

So, I am sharing some digital cards. I sometimes forget that I made them and as I looked through my gallery at 2peas, I noticed that some were fun to make, so why not share them here?

Sending happy digital wishes for a quick spring!

Probably my favorite thank you card. I just love these papers.

A wedding card for dear friends. I tend to do monogrammed wedding cards.

A simple birthday card. This one lies pretty flat for easy mailing.

This was a shower card and tag.

And one of my favorite birthday cards. Just loved making this one.