Weigh in.

Someone commented last week that I look as though I've lost weight and wondered what New Year's Resolutions I've kept. Truthfully, this happened by accident, but I feel the need to share the truth.

Here I am exactly one year ago:

And this is me now.

Yes, I've lost weight. About 10 pounds. But I admit that I didn't lose it the healthy way. 

It was totally stress related and I'm not proud of that. 

Basically, in October with the hurricane, I stopped eating. The stress was horrible. We'd be at my parents' cleaning and a combination of emotions, the odors of salt water (or as my husband refers to it, the fish tank that was my parents' home), and the pressure to get the clean out done quickly all contributed to my lack of appetite. Some people eat more when they're stressed and I'm the opposite. 

Christmas Eve, a night of seven fish dishes, my mother-in-law severely burnt her hand and we all went into crisis mode.  I ate shrimp cocktail and a tiny bit of spagetti. That's how I kept the weight off during the holidays. Stress compounded upon stress.

But, there have been some other changes that I think made this happen. 

I have new food allergies and they make me question what I eat more often. We know I am allergic to tree nuts, peanuts and avocados. When I tell you I could eat a full pound of guacamole by myself, I am not kidding. I would slice an avocado open and eat it out of the skin as a snack. Now that's over. I used to be able to deal with the tongue swelling and facial hives, but now eating a simple California roll with tiny slices of avocado leads to stomach issues and I really hate stomach cramps. So I have to avoid eating it. With these new allergies, I avoid things that I might be able to eat (cookies that could have almond extract, meatballs that could have pine nuts) but can't be sure how they'll affect me. So I am eating less baked goods (to be honest, I'm not a sweets person to begin with, so this wasn't the most difficult thing for me. Guac was harder), eating out less and eating fresh cooked meals at home more than we used to. In addition to my known allergies, I suspect that I have a sensitivity to the sulfites in red wine. So there's something else that I now avoid. 

We are eating much better at home. My husband is the culinary expert at home and he has been really focused on dropping some pounds, so it's been whole grain pasta (my grandmother would be horrified!!), lots of green veggies, lean meat, and fish. We are eating healthier lunches at work, too with the yummy leftovers.

The clothing I wear now fits me. After realizing that I had lost weight, I was able to wear clothes that were too small for me in the past. And I learned that I was wearing clothes that were too bulky and not fitted at all for too long. I donated all clothes that did not flatter me. If it was gappy or too loose, it went. 

 I also got a bra fitting and that made a huge difference in how tops fit me. 

So, the moral of the story? I gained 20 pounds the year after I got married. That was tough for me, but I didn't make any lifestyle changes to make things better. Now I have lost 10 of those pounds and I want to be healthier and keep them off the right way. How? I've asked a friend to challenge me at the gym. I don't even know how to walk into a gym let alone use any of the machines, but I need to do this. And I am eating better food with more nutrients. I'm also back into knitting and crafty things, which has helped my spirits bounce back (I know that the weight loss was more than that and likely affected my emotions more than I think).

I believe in honesty. So as much as I would like to say that I did everything right by dieting and exercising, I have to admit the truth, that I was an emotional wreck which affected my eating habits. I'll be trying hard to be healthier in many areas of my life and starting with my weight is first on the list. 

Right Now - January 2013

Source: onevelvetmorning.wordpress.com via Kathleen on Pinterest

Feeling exhausted! Ever since I went back to work from Christmas break, I haven't been able to get on a normal sleep schedule. Trying a new pillow and an earlier bedtime. 

Ready to be group leaders for Financial Peace University. So excited to meet new people and be cheerleaders for others.

Excited to wear new bras that actually fit. Turns out I was part of that huge percentage of ladies wearing the wrong size (like the same size I wore in 9th grade. Yup, things have changed). I encourage you to get a fitting. I'm taking my mama for Mother's Day.

Praying for strength in our marriage and enriched fellowship with our small group.

Listening to The Emperor of All Maladies. I don't know anything about medicine/health, but this book on the history of cancer is fascinating.

Reading

Watching Downton Abbey. Just like the rest of America it seems. Or at least many of my Facebook friends.

Focusing on too many little things. I neeeeeed to let things go and be understanding of others. Oh, and I need to sometimes accept that I may indeed be the problem, not someone else.

Eating Luna Lemon Zest bars for breakfast. They're one of the few bars that are sans-nuts (a recent adult food allergy=limited options) that have a decent amount of protein.

Drinking lots and lots of water. So many people are sick around us and we are staying hydrated. When I am sick of the taste of plain water I add fresh lemon juice or cranberry juice. 

Writing  in my journal at least three times a week. I always start the year with tons of entries and they dwindle by spring and are barely existent in the fall/winter. When I write, my soul is just calmer.

I look forward to sharing a little more with you this year by doing monthly (at least) hopes and cares. It will also help me to make blogging a priority again. I miss you guys!!

One Little Word 2013 - Trust

Another year, another word. Want to read more about it? Here's an archived post be Ali Edwards about the concept.

For 2012 I selected embrace as my word to reflect upon and I tried hard to go with the flow. For the most part, I think that happened. It was an attempt to be more accepting and I know that idea helped me to be less obsessed with the perceptions of others. I needed to just let their thoughts and ideas be theirs and not influence my own attitude. I noticed that I moved on a little easier and in some cases faster. And just when I released certain problems from my own power, the situations changed or opened up. I liked the word embrace so much and I think it gave me a slightly more free spirit.

But now it's on to this year.

For 2013 I am selecting a word that I think will be a real challenge: trust

By nature, I am not the most trusting person. I'm cynical and usually look for the loophole in a deal. I tend to think people are out to get me and I am the conspiracy theorist in our group (ask any of my friends, I am obsessed with the other side of any crime or wondering what we aren't being told). I just don't tend to trust the party line so to speak. As a result, it is hard for me to trust others.

So, what do I hope for this word trust?

-I want to deepen relationships with family and friends with trust and honesty. Less gossip, less chit chat and more intense conversations. This isn't for all friends obviously (I am a firm believer that one should never expose herself to those who will not appreciate sharing important stuff). I believe in sharing stories when they need to be told and with those whom I cherish, I want to do just that) but for those forever friends already in my life and those yet to come. You know them when you meet them, right?

-To be more trusting of others and believe in their motives for goodness and honesty.

-To be more trustworthy and to be a person of integrity.

-To be open to new ideas and not jump to conclusions.

-To trust my instincts (which I usually ignore) and go to God in moments of concern.

-I want to trust God and accept that God is fighting for good in this world and good in my world. To trust  God in all areas of my life by surrendering to Him even when it seems like I should be able to control the situation. This will be tough and I know it, but my faith needs a real awakening and I think it has to start with trust.

So, have you chosen a word? How do you hope to incorporate it into your life?

Winter Recap - Hello Christmas!

I never did post about Christmas, did I? Guess it's time to do that simply. 

Hello celebrating the reason for the season. Our church decorations were stunning and it felt like Christmas inside (and out). It was even 'snowing' during services! One of our favorite traditions is decorating the church on Thanksgiving Eve. It was lots of work this year (I really don't know how they will top this next year) but it truly felt magical inside.

Hello gorgeous table - my mother in law has a great eye for design. And she graciously hosted my parents as well - our normal gathering of 5 people was 11 this year! So much love.

Hello sister in law! Lauren studied in Italy this semester and returned to NY just in time for Christmas. She was so missed.

 Hello friends - new and old. We went to a perfectly festive Christmas coctail party. It was such a blast!

Hello argyle wreath - my only craft project this Christmas.

Hello ugly sweaters!

 Hello PJs! We always change into comfy clothes for present opening. Freddy's shirt is from a local pizza place...but he's scrum too.

Hello sweet treats. My brother created yummy desserts for us.

Hello little Nutcracker angels! This performance really made it feel like Christmas.

 Hello bro - I just adore that my brother and I dressed up this year for Christmas like we were in a wedding party together. He was originally in a 3-piece suit and I dressed up to sing at church. When we were little ones, we were the most dressed up on any holiday, so I guess we tried to bring that back this year.

 Hello Magi clan! Maybe we should have snapped this before we had our coats on, but at least we had a great shot together.

Hello Merry Little Christmas.

Hope you all enjoyed yours.

Linking up with Lisa Leonard for Hello Monday

and Carissa for

Looking Back at 2012

This is now the fourth year that I have answered these questions about the past 12 months. I don't really edit these or try to be cool about the answers. The responses are totally honest and I try not to over think them.

1. What was the single best thing that happened this past year?

We took a week's vacation and actually got away. Even if it was only a car trip away, we unplugged and relaxed in the Catskill mountains. It was perfect.

2. What was the single most challenging thing that happened?

Probably a 'duh' but having my family's home flood was the absolute most stressful moment we have ever experienced as a family. But (and I've said this so many times over the past two months) God gave us the strength and put people into our lives who allowed us to get through this. People donated their time and money to help my parents - it's given us all a great deal of hope.

3. What was an unexpected joy this past year?

Our themed dinner parties. These informal parties with a few of our favorite people allowed us to deepen relationships (and enlarge our waistlines, but who cares!).

This photo is from our Chinese party. Most creative costume? Fritz as a panda. Since I am blonder than I pay to be, it took me 1/2 an hour to realize what he was dressed as.

4. What was an unexpected obstacle?

Getting rid of my scrapbook stuff. It was a great release in the end, but it was hard to part with supplies that I spent so much money on, yet hadn't used in years. 

5. Pick three words to describe 2012.

Intense, invigorating, emotional

6. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe your 2012 (don’t ask them; guess based on how you think your spouse sees you).

stressed, tired, motivated

7. Pick three words your spouse would use to describe their 2012 (again, without asking).

fun, spur-of-the moment, stressful

8. What were the best books you read this year?

Once again, I used Goodreads to track the books I enjoyed this year. And I missed my goal of 30 books again (probably because the last book I've been reading is 650 pages and about Tudor England...it's a bear to get through). Here were my favorites:

Best Fiction that I listened to was Extremely Loud and Incredibly Close. My word, this stuck with me!!! The narration was unreal. I seriously was obsessed with getting people to listen to this book. Those who read it thought I was crazy for liking it (apparently there are lots of cross-outs and blank pages) but it was so touching and so beautiful to hear the story read to me.

Favorite biography/memoir was Unbroken

I listened to this one too. Just wonderful.

Best fiction that I read was the Lost Wife

Best book I never knew I would love was 11/22/63 by Stephen King.

My husband is a crazy Stephen King fan and his books fill the shelves in our home. I however, tried to read the stand 12 years ago, got 50 pages in and vowed never again to even attempt another King novel. Then I heard SK was writing a JFK book. And that characters from It would make an appearance. So I listened to It at the end of last year (and just so you know - I thought it was too long and no, I did not need to read that. Sure, it made about ten pages of 11-22-63 a little cooler, but it was three months of my life listening to that other book when I could have been reading this one). I will say 11-22-63 was wonderful. And I think most of you know I have an obsession with JFK conspiracies (although this book isn't that at all), so it was natural that I would want to read this. And I really enjoyed it. 

9. With whom were your most valuable relationships?

Freddy and I stayed strong. Actually, we had a lot of fun together this year.

And we grew closer with our parents. Freddy's family is moving out of state so we have been soaking up the time we have left together and valuing that time together much more than in the past.

My parents are not the type to call and say hi. In fact, we used to talk once a week. Now that's changed and we try to talk every other day even if it's just to say I love you. 

10. What was your biggest personal change from January to December of this past year?

As my husband said, 2012 was supposed to be the year of physical and fiscal responsibility. We ate so much better this year, preparing lots of meals at home. We also took Dave Ramsey's FPU class and although we have years of work to do to get to baby step 3, we are hoping that we can battle with our money so it works for us.

11. In what way(s) did you grow emotionally?

I am less reactive. I try not to give people the benefit of the doubt. I ponder things more.

12. In what way(s) did you grow spiritually?

Prayer has become something I automatically do in a crisis moment or when I am stressed. This has taken a long time for me to do naturally, but the peace it brings makes me wish I did this sooner.

13. In what way(s) did you grow physically?

I kept gaining weight until October when I got so stressed. Now I've lost the 10 pounds I needed to, but not in a healthy way. Last year I hoped to go to the gym and that didn't happen. Maybe this year? 

14. In what way(s) did you grow in your relationships with others?

I'll say it again, having wonderful girlfriends in my life has been lovely. Thank you Katie, Paige and Lauren!

(obviously Lauren and I need to take more pics together).

I've never been good at making friends so having these uplifting and inspirational gals in my life to share the happy and the sad makes things much easier.

15. What was the most enjoyable part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

I finally learned to keep work at work for the most part, anyway. And I *think* I've become a better manager and learned to handle larger projects better.

16. What was the most challenging part of your work (both professionally and at home)?

Understanding and being ok with the fact that not everyone will like me. 

17. What was your single biggest time waster in your life this past year?

Unnecessary stress. Less than last year, but it was still there every now and then.

18. What was the best way you used your time this past year?

Definitely helping my family during their recovery. Lots of cleaning, painting and organizing, but we all pulled together. It also gave us time to reconnect with family we didn't see often and work for good together.

19. What was biggest thing you learned this past year?

Living a life of gratitude and generosity is a must. 

20. Create a phrase or statement that describes 2012 for you.

Find joy in the every day and be grateful in the tough moments.

Thank you blog friends for being part of the 2012 journey (even if 90% of it was outfits) with me. I am so blessed to have you as part of my life. Thank you for the emails and comments and for sharing so much of your lives with me. 

Have a beautiful New Year - here's to a 2013 filled with promise!

Thankful for...

-my husband who lets us be us 

-family who celebrates the joys of life and shares in challenges

-friends who make you laugh and let you cry. Another year of building amazing friendships and cherishing those friends we've known for so long.

photo by Lauren

-Great meals prepared with love

-Enjoying where we live. This year we spent time enjoying what makes Long Island uniquely wonderful - beaches, wineries, and NYC so nearby.

-Our incredible church family. We finally feel home.

-Having jobs we enjoy and working with people we like.

Most of all, I am grateful to God. I think back to my word for 2012 - embrace. I think that God has taught me His will be done this year.  I am there to embrace it and let it be what moves me. And the miracles that come out of that are beautiful.

Have a beautiful Thanksgiving, blog friends!

Therefore by Him let us continually offer the sacrifice of praise to God, that is, the fruit of our lips, giving thanks to His name.

Hebrews 13:15

Moving Forward

So I missed What I Wore Wednesday for the first time (twice actually) since joining in about two years ago. Welp, we lost Internet because of that little Superstorm Sandy, so I realized the post wasn't going to happen.

What I didn't realize at the time was all the devastation that was happening around me.

While my husband and I were safe and warm in our little apartment (we were so fortunate to only lose power for an hour), my parents did not come through the storm so well.

My parents have lived in their home for 46 years and never once did it flood. During Hurricane Irene a year ago, the water came up to the house, but did not go in. Sandy was a different story. The water not only went into the house, but tore through their first floor. And it wasn't just water - it was 2 and a half feet of nasty salt water and sand which created a sludge coating throughout. All of the furniture, flooring, rugs, walls, and possessions on the first floor were hauled out to the front. Piles of it were picked up every day, three times a day by the sanitation workers. Every single house on their block had piles just like this one.

That line is the water line on their shed. 

Now, my parents consider themselves blessed. Really blessed. Because they still have a second floor that is their main living area, so they can continue to live in the house while all the demolition and repairs are being completed. And they have nephews in the home improvement business who made their project a top priority. My learning disabled aunt (who my parents have graciously taken care of for the past 20 years) and my brother are the ones who suffered the most and lost most of their belongings. But again, they are so very grateful to be safe, alive, and still have a home.

So many of my parents' neighbors are displaced, their homes being rendered uninhabitable by the storm. Finding housing has become the new problem in this area and the temps are falling, which is really making for an uncomfortable situation for those without power and heat or those without loved ones with the room to accommodate family members.

We've learned a lot from this storm. Nature has a way of surprising you and wreaking havoc you could never have imagined. Family surrounds you with support when you don't even know what you need. People are more important than any items we can own (part of this difficult experience has been sorting through four decades of hoarded stuff. My mom and brother have had to come to the realization that they need to stop valuing things and put their energy into life, not giving so much power to stuff). I've realized how much I should give up to make space for life to happen. Having the latest and greatest guest designer top from Target can't be what I waste my time and energy on. I need to make room in my life for things that matter. And those things aren't things, they're people.

My parents are coming through this really well. They even posed for a picture in my mother's heirloom goose-neck chair, inherited from her mom. Although it too had to be brought to the curb, they took a final picture in it (ironically the balloon was left over from my aunt's recent hospital stay and says 'welcome home') and managed to crack tiny smiles. The outpouring of care, concern, and love from family has been astounding.

Why am I writing this? Pretty much just give an update and thank those blog friends who emailed and texted me from across the country (and even across the world in London) praying for us before and after the storm. Maybe it's to offer a real-life perspective and peek into what's going on up here.

As we go forward, the one thing I've noticed is that hope is abundant. Yes, there are stories about people taking advantage of the situation, but overall, generosity and concern prevailed. My family's gratitude to those who have supported them (hot meals and hot showers were treasures) is indescribable.

They know it's a long haul, but they are trusting God in this situation, knowing that He will lead them through.

Words on the Walls

This will sound funny, but I am not a fan of quotes on my walls. 

Actually, what I am not a fan of is inspirational quotes that I could never live up to.

For instance "Live fully, laugh often, love deeply". I love that quote. I really do. But most days I'm living like it's a glass half-empty world, scowling intensely, and not getting along with people.  (I'm not saying my attitude is right, either. I know that it needs work. Lots of work that I can't do alone).

But there were two quotes I have always wanted on my walls -

 the scriptures read at our wedding.

When the fabulous Denise opened her new Etsy shop Kiss the Sky (please read the shop's welcome, it's probably the most beautiful one found on the entire webernets) I knew that I needed to buy

Ruth 1:16 

 and Hebrews 13:2 for our home.

I actually think that these are two things that Freddy and I try to live up to. 

We 'do life' together. It's so very important for us.

And the hospitality thing? Well, we live in a one bedroom apartment, so we can't really host overnight gatherings, but something we treasure is being with those we love and trying to make them feel special when they are with us. It's something we value, to have people be a part of the every day moments and sharing them together.

I'm not at all saying that we have this life thing figured out, but these gentle reminders from the Lord keep me going. 

They keep me focused on what is important. 

And I know in His faithfulness, I will be what He desires. 

Maybe one day I will be living fully, laughing often, and loving deeply. That can be my new prayer.

Thank you, Denise for making these. My husband and I are still trying to pick the perfect spots for them to be enjoyed! 

Denise is celebrating the opening of her shop with a discount:

Receive 10% off in the Kiss the Sky shop this week.
{June 25- July1}
Use coupon code

grateful