Where am I going?

I have faith issues. Have had them for as long as I can remember. And now I am seeking waaaay outside my Catholic comfort zone. I finally want to have a place to call my spiritual home, to reach out in the community, and serve. I think these are things I have been wanting for so long that the seeking has been a process I've lived with for years and never listened to those little pushes I'd been feeling.

Where should I go to worship and seek a faith community? What should it be?

There are my hopes.

Don't want:
1. Hierarchy - this is a big one for me, as I have experienced the abuses of hierarchy and clericalism first-hand and I've had enough of it in my life. The church is the people and those called by God to serve. God must be the focus, the gospel must be preached and loved. Christ must be at the center of all that is done within the community, not the priest (and I know for so many Catholics this is not how they believe, it just became my perception of how things were headed).

2. Legalism - That's some scary stuff, yo. Although I am not anti-rules, I fear that I could probably fall into the trap of legalism so easily because I am so afraid of breaking rules. I do believe that people need to observe a disciplined life, but that life is meant to be just that - lived. And I also think that legalism takes the focus off of Christ and places it on self and others and forces one to make constant comparisons and judgements.

3. Political Commentary - Really not interested in political rallying from the pulpit. I think most of us understand the overall moral/ethical stances of our churches. Perhaps evening teaching series would be more appropriate? I just can't listen to the news in church, if that makes sense.

What I do want:
1. Christ-centered, gospel-oriented , Biblically-inspired teachings

2. Practicality - I want to learn lessons and  integrate life-enriching principles into my life that are both sensible and attainable. And I desire to be challenged. I shouldn't like everything that comes out of a pastor's mouth. Because I should have to change my life based on God's desires for my life, not mine.

3. Commitment to Serving Others - I've always wanted to be a part of something more, to respect those around me, help the broken. But now I don't have that spark and I really need to be less me-focused.

4. Support - Fellow believers must be there for one another, and this one is slightly self-serving. I hope to be connected to others who can mentor, guide, and support me along my journey. I want to be led along whatever this path is by appropriately insightful people.

What are the essentials in your faith community? Did I miss an essential?

Dusty Chairs

Last weekend I spent a lot of time doing a deep-cleaning of the apartment. I don't really mind cleaning. It gets me to appreciate what I have and take care of it.

As I was dusting all the surfaces, I walked through the kitchen and noticed a lot of dust on my kitchen chairs. On all four of them. Who has kitchen chairs that are empty long enough for dust to settle? And it made me incredibly sad.

I then realized we had not eaten at the table together in over two weeks,  we have become so over-scheduled that we grab dinner between our comings and goings. Or eat in front of the tv, which is something I promised to avoid. It makes us so disconnected from one another and prevents us from sharing what happened in the day.

We only had one guest in the past two months. No one just stops by, no family visits us. It is starting to get a little tough to clean for no reason other than it needs to be done. I am one of those people who agrees that having people over motivates getting the place tidy. When I have to do things just for me, it tends to be forgotten and easily pushed off.

How do we fix this lack of interaction? Well, I guess the obvious is setting meal time as us time, which we've actually done a couple of times this week. No distractions other than one another and our lives. And it got us to laugh a little and as always, appreciate what we each go through during the day.

And we need to ask people to come visit, which is something I've always been less than stellar at. I don't want to look desperate for company and so I usually let others do the inviting. And this has to stop. Because we need people to connect with and keep us connected.

So some people may be getting more invites from us, may be hearing from us, and we will be eating many more meals at the table, just to keep those chairs dust-free.

Our Wedding Dance

Just realized this has never been posted here! Here is our first dance from Moulin Rouge, Your Song.

Kathleen and Freddy's first dance

Spending the time together rehearsing and getting to meet the fabulous Miss Debbie (who continues to be our instructor) have been just amazing. The private lessons were one of the best things we spent on for the wedding and now we look forward to dancing together throughout our marriage.

Fix that Attitude

A couple of years ago I was passionately politically minded. To the point of driving me (and likely everyone who knew me) absolutely insane. Ask me about any issue and not only would I tell you my opinion, I would tell you why everyone who disagreed with me was out of their minds and completely full of junk. And from those two years I learned that I was, in the words of Buddy the Elf, "an angry elf."

I was a skeptical pessimist. Always had the mindset of "they're out to getcha" and my glass was empty, it passed the 1/2 empty mark a long time ago. It wasn't that I felt my life was so awful because honestly, I was/am surrounded by incredible people who uplift me, but I became consumed by situations that became obsessions for me to mouth off about.

And I let everyone know that I was unhappy about those world crises. Wore the t-shirts, slapped the stickers on my car, watched the newscasts that made my blood boil and my heart race, listened to radio programs and podcasts that were so anger-driven and hate-filled that I remember shaking as I listened to the talking heads spew their garbage.

It's two years later and my attitude towards politics has radically changed. Some may and have accused this new attitude I've adopted as being despondent stirred with a lack of caring. Might think I am uninformed or unaware of the issues that affect the world. The truth is I update myself on what I need to know. And I still am passionate about the needs of others.  And people call me if something dramatic happens. And truthfully in the year that I have gone on this 'news diet' I haven't missed a thing that would have impacted my life. If anything I have filtered out the negativity and sought out the positivity that really does exist everywhere. I do think this attitude altering has made me calmer, less agitated, less like a gun about to be fired and more reflective, thought-filled and patient.

The bottom line is I can not and will not allow political obsessions to consume my life ever again. Why? Because I've learned that:
-heated arguments are not useful nor informational. Most of the time they are based solely on passion-driven opinions. Never has one such argument changed my opinion nor have I changed the way someone else thought about an issue.
-So much is accomplished from listening to another person. Not sitting there and planning your next line of attack, but genuinely making an effort to hear someone out. It makes you appreciate the other person and value their opinion. And I have learned so much more about people and issues by giving this a try.
-I can't forget that I love the people I associate with. Why would I want to spend time creating divisions and screaming at those who mean the most to me? That was the real kicker - I was pushing away those who I wanted in my life more than anything. And now that I have been tinkering with my attitude I have come to value not just the person, but their whole being, their thoughts, their priorities, their rationale.
-I can't forget who I am. I am not an opinion, a viewpoint, or a political association. I am a passionate person who wants to value life and others. And that is probably a 'duh' but it took me a long time to fix this attitude of mine.

And I have learned a heck of a lot.